Your dog is 10 months old, takes up most of the mattress, and arrives at 11pm whether invited or not. Or they sleep in the kitchen and you wonder whether that is unkind. Both are ordinary questions, and neither has a moral answer.
This is not a question about rank
A dog on your bed is choosing somewhere soft, warm and close to you. Letting them up does not hand over the running of the household, and keeping them off is not a show of authority. Set that framing aside and decide on the same practical grounds you would use for anything else.
What actually matters at this stage
Settle quality. Some adolescent dogs sleep deeply next to a person. Others shift, resettle and get up every hour on a soft, crowded mattress. Watch which one you have for a week.
Your own sleep. A 70 pound dog stretching out at 3am costs you rest, and a tired owner has less patience for the middle of adolescence.
What gets paid at night. If every shuffle earns a stroke or a quiet word, being awake next to you starts to pay. The bed makes that easy to do by accident.
Hygiene. Keep flea, tick and worm treatment current, wash the bedding weekly, and wipe muddy paws before bed. Ask your veterinarian what applies where you live, especially if anyone in the house is very young, elderly or immune-suppressed.
Consistency. The hardest version for your dog is allowed up on Friday and sent down on Monday. Pick a rule that every adult in the house will keep.
Height. A large, still-growing dog jumping down from a high bed lands hard. Ask your veterinarian whether a step or a lower sleeping spot makes sense for now.
Rest itself is something your dog practices. Relaxation is trained as a behaviour in its own right, in short repeatable sets below the point where your dog gets restless. Wherever your dog sleeps, it helps if they have practiced settling in that spot during the day.
If the bed is working, keep it
If your dog gets up, settles quickly, sleeps through and gets off when asked, there is nothing to change. Teach a cue for getting off the bed while things are calm, and pay it with a piece of food tossed to the floor. That gives you a polite way to make room later.
Moving your dog off the bed, kindly
If you want the bed back, plan on 2 to 3 weeks of transition rather than one decisive night. Behaviour change is built from management plus reinforcement together. You need a new spot worth choosing, and a way for the old one to stop paying.
Set up the new bed first, in your bedroom and next to yours, with a blanket or T-shirt that smells of you. Your dog does not have to leave the room to leave the mattress.
Practice in the daytime. Drop food on the new bed, reward your dog for stepping on and lying down, and build up to 2 minutes of lying there. 3 short sessions a day are plenty.
Hand over a chew on the new bed at bedtime, so the first minutes of the night happen there and are worth something.
When your dog climbs onto your bed, ask for off, reward on the floor, and walk them back to their own bed. Stay calm and boring.
Keep the bedroom door closed during the day for now, so your dog is not practicing naps on the mattress while you are out.
Expect a few nights of testing. Return your dog to their bed the same quiet way each time, and keep the rule the same every night.
Reward-based methods are the recommended approach for training and behaviour change. Pushing, shouting or spraying your dog off the bed has no place here. Punishment-based approaches are associated with fear, avoidance and defensive aggression, and none of those belong where your dog sleeps.
Safety note
If your dog stiffens, stares or growls when you approach, move or reach past them on the bed, stop moving them by hand. Toss food to the floor to bring them off, and read the article on guarding the sofa or a person. If this is new, or your dog has stopped jumping up or down, book a veterinary examination. Pain often shows up as a change in behaviour, and sudden behaviour change warrants an examination.
Tonight's version, in one line: pick one rule every adult will keep, and put a bed that smells of you right next to yours.